Tuesday, July 25, 2006

A Friend for Life Will Piss In a Britta For You


A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
~Rodney Dangerfield

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
~Mel Brooks

Jeremy Grey Says:
[sigh] Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.

1. When Nard (that's a nickname for someone, not a reference to my own body parts) got me arrested they pissed in his personal Britta and pooped in his bed.
(Possible later post to detail the whole story.)
2. When I fell in to the water at Gilligan's Pier they bought me a
Blaze Orange Sleeveless T-Shirt.
3. They call me out on my bullshit.
4. If we have an argument it's done with and forgotten by the next day.
5. They scream, "Hey I'm just tryin to get Sammy laid!" as I'm spitting game to someone.
6. They now believe that I want/am trying to be a children's book author so that when I tell someone else at a charity event they don't spit their drink out and laugh uncontrollably.
7. They make up great nicknames for me.
8. They listen to me gripe about the same shit for months.
9. They introduced me to NASCAR my burnin' rubber, deafening engine roaring, stinky exhaust fumed mistress.
10. They buy me Smoothie King after fixing their flat tire.
11. They keep me in Fantasy Football Leagues even though I rarely pay on time and I insist on picking rookie wide receivers.
12. They introduce me to new movies, foods, music, and experiences.
13. They let me gloat for the appropriate amount of time after the
(Which coincidentally is until they are eliminated form the possibility of winning this years SuperBowl!)


At 2:51 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

friends don't let friends watch Nascar.

but pissing in a Brita? now that's funny!

At 3:25 PM, Blogger sammygeerock said...

Yeah well, these are friends I wouldn't wanna cross so...

At 3:26 PM, Blogger sammygeerock said...

Why everyone gotta be down on NASCAR, I done told y'all it fun. Dang, gimmie a cold beer, fast cars, fast women, and we set, shooo, I tell you what, you do the math.

At 3:29 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

you mean shitty beer, rednecks, and whores, don't you?

At 4:29 PM, Blogger Ashburnite said...

btw- happy hour. pauli moto's. friday 5pm. be there. you owe me sushi. :-)

At 7:30 PM, Blogger sammygeerock said...

Yes I do to both of your last comments, yes I do.

At 8:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No...good friends change stranded friends flat tires!!!

At 10:10 AM, Blogger sammygeerock said...

Ummm, isn't that kinda what I said? I would do it fo nuthin' but Smoothie King was calling my name. Not a list about why I'm a good friend. That would be too long to post.

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At 12:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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