Monday, July 31, 2006

A New Crack In Town

(Poets Edition)

Though lovers be lost love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.
~Dylan Thomas

kisses are a better fate than wisdom.
~E. E. Cummings

1. Fall At Your Feet
2. Goodbye My Lover
3. Out of My Mind
4. Wisemen
5. You're Beautiful
6. Cry
~All songs by James Blunt

Alabama Worley Says:

Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool. And sometimes Clarence asks me what I would have done if he had died, if that bullet had been two inches more to the left. To this, I always smile, as if I'm not going to satisfy him with a response. But I always do. I tell him of how I would want to die, but that the anguish and the want of death would fade like the stars at dawn, and that things would be much as they are now. Perhaps. Except maybe I wouldn't have named our son Elvis.

The F-n-G summer continues with out a hitch. I almost got an F and a G in on the same day. But I settled for a nice short 9 holes on Sunday with the man that got me blogging, Rich. Met up with another blogger (Ashburnite) for sushi at Pauli Moto's in Tysons on Friday. I wasn't terribly impressed with the decor or lay out of Moto's but there just may be a new version of an old crack. The Cream Cheese Crab Sprng Roll, yuuuuuuuuuuummmmm! Served with an Orange Marmalade sauce. Holy crap are those suckers good! My first ever foray in to the mixture of sweet and savory that I can remember was mozarella sticks and raspberry sauce. I remember looking at my cousin Dena like she was crazy. But decided to trust her judgment as she had a vast knowledge of hotel room service. (Uncle I is in the biz) To my delight it was one of the greatest mixtures of unlikely tandems I had ever tasted. I didn't give Moto's the full work out, nibbling only on some Philly rolls, edamame and the afformentioned New Crack in town.
It was a full weekend to say the least, and a mini-crush was slightly rekindled. Every time I hang out with TBB I have a great time. It is rare that we hang out as she is a friend of a friend, and it had been a while since the last time. I figured out what really drives the crush though, not that she is a great looking girl although that helps, but because it's non-stop laughter every time we hang out, and we share the same wicked sense of humor. Ladies if you wanna pull at my heart strings a lil' just be, sarcastic, mocking, and gregarious. Gets me everytime.

Thursday, July 27, 2006



Dive into the sea of thought, and find there pearls beyond price.
~Moses Ibn Ezra

Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.
~Chuck Norris

The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.
~Albert Einstein

So since Blogger is a little messed up today all my usual quirky little items will just be put on hold, except for the daily quotes you peeps don't read anyways. I have mentioned it before that I usually have very vivid dreams and I have the uncanny abiltity to remember them most of the time, which of course is a blessing and a curse.

Last night's dream:

I any of you live in NOVA you might know Woody's, a driving range, batting cages, putt-putt place. Well in my dream JD brought TD and myself to one of those places, with one exception it had a shooting range too! JD provided all the ammo and guns. One problem with this shooting range were all the kids cralwing all over the place, including in front of the targets!!!! I remember deflty avoiding them, and shooting the shotgun pretty damn well! A shotgun with no kick! We kinda lost track of TD which is kind of a terrifying thought to know TD is loose with a gun somewhere its okay to shoot it. I remember whining that all wanted to do was shoot the Nine. Weird. I woke up.

Dream Round 2:

I was at a conference with my boss, and JD and his secretary happen to be there too! Somehow the Military Spec's and Standards world crossed paths with the Sewer Rehabilitation world at this conference. As usual I wanted to skip out, JD for some odd reason felt compelled to stay. So I said WTF, and wandered off. I found myself at my High School, which of course looks nothing like my actual highschool, I just know thats what it is. I'm wandering the hallways cuz thats normal, and get caught up in a gang fight! Some how Channel 9 News is on the scene right away and my cute mug ends up on the news. I scramble away and make it back to the conference. JD intercepts me and gives me the heads up that my boss saw me on the news like a deer in the head lights and I'm in deep doo-doo.
I woke again and for a minute was thinking of excuses of why I left the conference.

There was a Dream round 3, but I can't remember the details only familiar faces.

I found the highscool setting the wierdest part, only because that exact "model" of my highschool was in my dreams before, so I knew my way around. I'm fascinated by the reoccuring settings and my ability to retain memories/geography in my dreams.

Any interpretations, or thoughts?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006





He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty, he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself.
~Thomas Paine

Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.
~William Shakespeare

Sherrif Bart Says:

Excuse me while I whip this out.




Tuesday, July 25, 2006

A Friend for Life Will Piss In a Britta For You


A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
~Rodney Dangerfield

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
~Mel Brooks

Jeremy Grey Says:
[sigh] Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.

1. When Nard (that's a nickname for someone, not a reference to my own body parts) got me arrested they pissed in his personal Britta and pooped in his bed.
(Possible later post to detail the whole story.)
2. When I fell in to the water at Gilligan's Pier they bought me a
Blaze Orange Sleeveless T-Shirt.
3. They call me out on my bullshit.
4. If we have an argument it's done with and forgotten by the next day.
5. They scream, "Hey I'm just tryin to get Sammy laid!" as I'm spitting game to someone.
6. They now believe that I want/am trying to be a children's book author so that when I tell someone else at a charity event they don't spit their drink out and laugh uncontrollably.
7. They make up great nicknames for me.
8. They listen to me gripe about the same shit for months.
9. They introduced me to NASCAR my burnin' rubber, deafening engine roaring, stinky exhaust fumed mistress.
10. They buy me Smoothie King after fixing their flat tire.
11. They keep me in Fantasy Football Leagues even though I rarely pay on time and I insist on picking rookie wide receivers.
12. They introduce me to new movies, foods, music, and experiences.
13. They let me gloat for the appropriate amount of time after the
(Which coincidentally is until they are eliminated form the possibility of winning this years SuperBowl!)

Monday, July 24, 2006



Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides.
Rita Mae Brown

A problem is a chance for you to do your best.
Duke Ellington

Detective Alonso Harris Says:
They build jails 'cause of me.

1. Hungry Heart ~Bruce Springsteen
2. Mama Knew Love ~Anthony Hamilton
3. Wisemen ~James Blunt
4. If You Think I'm Sexy ~Rod Stewart
5. Kaya ~Bob Marley
I have been putting together an ultimate 80's playlist for the Nano for a couple weeks now. I may or may not be downloading some songs that I have and have not paid for. I had almost forgot baout my love for the music I grew up with. But on the way back form the boat JD and I usually put on a station that likes to play 80's stuff at night. Again my interest was only piqued again, when we had an impromptu sing along (w/ CNG, TD and JD one nite on the way back form the boot) to the very short 80's mix that existed on my Nano. I even hit the high notes on Take Me On by A-Ha. It's been a fun exploration back to my yester-years but I need help!!

Friday, July 21, 2006

Everyone's Got Something To Say


God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Men show their characters in nothing more clearly than in what they think laughable.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Mola Ram Says:
Kali Ma...Kali Ma...Kali Ma Shook Dee Day.

Cool Hand Luke Says:
Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.

Kramer Says:
Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint; it's delicious!

Sir Smoke-A-Lot Says:
Bitch! You know what I want! Hahahahaha! I wanna talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden! 'Cause it's hard being black and gifted! Sometimes I wanna throw it all down and get lifted!

Sponge Bob Says:
I'm Ready! Promotion! I'm Ready! Promotion!

Billy Ocean Says:
say yeah yeah yeh yeah! Wanna be your lover lover - wanna be your lover lover loverboy. Lover lover yeah - wanna be your lover lover loverboy.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

So You Wanna Be A Welder?????


We all know that art is not the truth, art is a lie that makes us realize the truth.
~Pablo Picasso

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
~Mitch Hedberg

Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love. We've got company.

I've been on a low key job search as of late. Low key because my ass needs to step it up and really charge hard, which I haven't done. But it occured to me tht other day; what about a complete field change? What would I do? I am seriously considering WELDING!!
What if I became a welder? What would Mom and Pop think about the money they spent on my education? But I love working with my hands, blu collar stuff, being able to look at a fnished project, and there is an art side to it too! I wouldn't give up my writing. Instead I'd become like William Carlos Williams. Famous poet, but also fulltime physician. Just like WCW was Doctor/Poet I could be Sammy Kleinrock, Welder/Childrens Book Author. That has a nice ring to it. Or maybe even a mechanic. Samuel Jed Kleinrock, Mechanic/Novelist. Hmmm?

***Actually my main motivation for wanting to become a welder was inspired by Flashdance. Cuz you know I be strippin' in the evenings. Move over Jennifer Beals, heres I come. My routine would include the chair and water routine, but I'd probably work in my welding mask and sparks flying everywhere. If you wanna catch my act (LADIES ONLY thank you) come down to MAN-TASTIC.***

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Procussions

(Kissin' and Fishin' Edition)

I can forget my very existence in a deep kiss of you.
~Byron Caldwell Smith

The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of that which is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope.
~Unknown (by me anyways)

Nano Nano
1. Follow Me ~Breaking Benjamin
2. Death of A Martian ~RHCP
3. Little Things ~Bush
4. Loverboy ~Billy Ocean
5. Chain Gang ~Sam Cooke
6. Born to Run ~Bruce Springsteen
7. Adam's Song ~Blink 182
8. Leave You Alone ~Cam'Ron
9. The Storm ~The Procussions (see below)
10. I.B.S. ~Cam'Ron (Shout Out To Aparna!! READ THIS!!!)
11. Black Girl Pain ~Talib Kweli
12. Slow Motion ~Juvenile
13. Take The Money And Run ~Steve Miller band
14. Original Fire ~Audioslave
15. Bohemian Like You~ The Dandy Warhols

So iTunes has a FREE single of the week, usually from an artist that is unknown to the mainstream or on the rise. I almost always download it, because hey free music is free music. And that's the music lover in me talking not the Jew. This weeks single/song is The Storm by The Procussions. I hate to compare them to anybody because they are unique and that's a dis-service, but to me they sound like Jurassic 5 mixed with Souls of Mischief. I highly reccomend them, especially with the windows down, stereo cranked really loud doing about 70 down the GW Parkway.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Things I've Learned From The Movies


The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to know.


1. Return Of The Mack ~Mark Morrison
2. When The Going Gets Tough ~Billy Ocean
3. They Say Vision ~RES
4. Somewhere Only We Know ~Keane
5. Take Me Home Tonight ~Eddie Money
6. Get By (Remix) ~ Talib Kweli, Kanye West, Jay-Z, Busta Rhymes
7. Please, Please, Please ~James Brown
8. So What ~Field Mob w/ Ciara
9. It's Too Late ~Otis Redding
10. Out Of My Mind ~James Blunt

Things I Learned From The Movies

* I have unlimited ammo, until my crucial face to face battle with my arch enemy.
* My nemesis always prefers hand to hand combat over a gun battle.
* I will never lose my trademark fedora.
* There is always a creature/thing that puts the fear of God in me.
*My enemy knows what this thing/creature is.
* A femur bone and a rag always make a good torch.
* If there is a urn of ashes, or an expensive vase sitting around I will knock it over.
* If there is only one match left and I absolutely need it, the wind will blow when I light it, but won't put it completely out.
* If I'm a cop I'm always smarter than the bad guys.
* If I'm a bad guy, cops are very stupid, especially the uniformed ones.
* If there is an object that is coveted by more than one person, it will exchange hands many times, but I will always end up with it in the end.
* I can blow up any vehicle with a well placed shot from a gun.
* My sidekick eats really poorly and I chastise him, or he eats really healthy and chastise me.
* I can drive/fly/operate any vehicle, no matter make, model, or country of origin.
* I always know what to say.
* Everyone speaks my language.
* All Asians know martial arts.
* It always just rained.
* My car has the best suspension ever, even if its a Yugo.
* My job is done when my shirt is bloodied, torn, I have grease on my face, and I light the last cigarette in my pack.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Hollywood Exclusive!!! Billy Ocean is Back!!!!!!


Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. ~Henry David Thoreau

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
~Lynda Barry



Directed by: Sammy Gee
Casting by: CNG
Music by: Tredibo
Produced by: JD
Written by CNG, and Sammy Gee

Toby McGuire as Captian JD
Matthew Lillard as TD

Kate Hudson as CNG the Cherry Eater
Jake Gyllenhall as Gee-Rockah
Matthew McConaughey as Lost Guy on Jet-Ski
Cameo Appearances by:
GEEROCKAH Chief Boat Rocker

With special guest appearance and music video by

1. A Day On The Boat ~Billy Ocean (NEW!)
2. Kashmir ~Led Zepplin
3. Farmhouse ~Phish
4. Carribean Queen ~Billy Ocean
5. Take On Me ~Ah Ha
6. Heavy Things ~Phish
7. Folsom Prison Blues ~Johnny Cash
8. You Dropped The Bomb On Me ~The Gap Band
9. Two Tickets To Paradise ~Edie Money
10. Better Together ~Jack Johnson

Friday, July 14, 2006

Lucky Streak Continues aka What A Lunch!!!!


Nothing to report today, got an IM from an out-o-towner, goin' fishin' rain or not!
Have a great weekend everyone!!!!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

100 1~HuNDreD 100 1=hunDreD 100 1-Hundredth


Even Wilt The Stilt is impressed!!!!!

Awww, thanks AirCanada, I'll see ya in August!!

100 Posts!!! But The Show Must Go On....


Victory attained by violence is tantamount to a defeat, for it is momentary.
~The Mahatma Mohandas K. Gandhi

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
~Niels Bohr


1. Stay Fly ~Three 6 Mafia
2. Nothing Compares 2 U ~Sinead O'Connor
3. Come On Eileen ~Dexy's Midnight Runners
4. Are You In? ~Incubus
5. 21st Century ~RHCP

I feel like there should be some sort of re-cap or acceptance speech! Thank you to all the loyal readers, friends and family!! All these hours wasted at work would be nothing if it wasn't for you! Truth is I started this blog as a way to take my mind off things, rant, rave, tell stories, and chronicle my life. I try and do a pretty good job not to talk about things too personal or about work. But again thank you to all my readers, with out you I would still blog but just no one would read it.

On a side note, the Zanipolo stories will continue soon, not sure how much people were enjoying it, but I know a few that bought into the whole cliff hanger thing. Just think of this as an extended cliff hanger.

I got a reminder of how old I was getting yesterday, feeling pretty much hungover the entire day. The after work energy rush was just enough for me to get home, do a load of laundry, and get some fast food before passing out early! So early I missed Project Runway. But this definitely hit the spot last night:

A KFC Bowl.
I was completely disgusted, yet strangely intrigued when I saw the commercial for these curious concoctions. But something about fast food and a regular coke that always cures my hangover blues!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Why I'm Wearing My Least Favorite Shirt To Work Today

A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Closing. Always be closing, always be closing.
~Blake (Alec Baldwin in
Glengarry Glen Ross)

There is only one admirable form of the imagination: the imagination that is so intense that it creates a new reality, that it makes things happen.
~Sean O'Faolain

Da Nans
1. Night Train ~James Brown
2. If I Can't ~50 Cent
3. Grind With Me ~Pretty Ricky
4. Fine Again ~Seether
5. Carribean Queen ~Billy Ocean

I am wearing my least favorite shirt to work today. It is a stripped shirt, but the stripes go diagonally and looks like something a Persian Mafioso wearing too much cologne would wear to a club. Here is why:
Where to begin???? After some early morning emailing JD convinced me to go to a charity event at Morton's Steak House. It didn't take much convincing, but I am trying to save money for my Cyprus trip an failing miserably. The lure of someone my buddies thought I should meet, and the $30 fare for all you can eat Morton's appetizers, booze and a signed cookbook seemed worth it to me. And it was. I've had a few crazy nights recently and why not have another on a Tuesday? You can imagine what kind of crowd Morton's drew, some of DC's elite, including John Patterson of you Washington Nationals! But also people like Mitzi, a financial planner who rebuffed JD for having a small account. The convo went something like this:
Mitzi: Would you say you have a small, medium or large account?
JD: Probably smaller.
Mitzi: Oh, well, we do take on some small accounts if they lead to larger ones down the road, but rarely do we take on small accounts
I thought maybe this was all just innuendo, and Middle Aged Money Manager Mitzi just wanted a piece of JD. But then I met her. I was an English major in college which pretty much means I can BS with the best of them. All it takes is a little confidence, knowing when to be honest and a surface knowledge of the topic at hand. So when Mitzi asked me what I did for a living, I told her I was a Children's Book Author, while I don't get paid for this it isn't completely un-true, I am working on a children's book. However it didn't help when JD busted out in to laughter as I said that. He clearly does not know the art of the BS. He later claimed I should have warned him I was going to say that, and if I could have I would have, but like any good BS artist will tell you on the fly is the best. Not only that, but your best friend of 10 years should know when to just play along, especially when his goal for the night was to get me laid. Thanks buddy! Well we hob-nobbed around for a while drank free booze and ate some terrific finger foods. On to the next stop!!!!!
We ended up at Chi-Cha Lounge, a place I rarely go but enjoy every time I do. There was some kinda brouhaha/scene that I won't get into. I've never smoked a hooka, well not one filled with sheeshah anyways, and I notice the table next to me has a couple and a friend (girl) smoking one. Hmmmm. I invite my self over and try it out. I can still taste the peach smoke today, ewww. One thing leads to another my friends ditch me, I make out with the chick in the backseat of her friends car, and at Lucky Bar! Whoohooo! She's here on business and this is her last night in town. Just my luck I meet someone I have an instant connection with and its her last night. Wait a minute that is just my luck!!!!! Proper Business Trip etiquette states if you meet someone at a bar on your last night in another city, make out with him and really get along you should invite him back to your hotel room for a little sumpin' sumpin'...Right? Not the case for me, alas I do enjoy making out, I did get 3 sets of digits, and turned what would have been a night of me scrounging around my cupboards for food, and watching a DVD into a crazee crazee nite!!! So when I awoke 5 hours later, slightly late for work I had no time to iron a shirt, this is why I am wearing my least favorite work shirt.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Gee-Rockah The Chief Boot Knockah aka What's In A Name?


Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.
~Victoria Holt

Nicknames stick to people, and the most ridiculous are the most adhesive.
~Thomas C. Haliburton

1. Storm Coming ~Gnarls Barkley
2. Cupid ~Sam Cooke
3. Push And Pull ~Nikka Costa
4. Like Glue ~Sean Paul
5. Try Me ~James Brown

Everybody has a nickname, and a story to go along with that nickname. Some stories are funny, some not so much, but for one reason or another the nickname sticks. My nickname stuck and exploded and morphed and so now I will and do respond to almost 20 different names. The origins of nicknames can come about in few different ways, a variation on an existing name, a funny action/story attributed to said nickname haver, or perhaps a physical attribute. For example my friend Buttman got his name because his last name is really Esstman, which in turn sounds like and turned into Assman, the only other natural progression was Buttman or just plain Butt.
One day Buttman and I were bowling with our good friend MD, we may have been intoxicated on one thing or another and bowling Alley keypads suck, so...When Buttman went to type "Shaft" for MD it came out Shab. Buttman and I brought the name home with us, and everyone followed suit and continued to call MD, Shab. If you were to go back to our old college town where Shab still lives, and ask for him by his given name, no one would have a clue. But ask for him by Shab and half the town knows who you are talking about! TD (welcome back from Cyprus and Italy) is a tall fellow so naturally people called him Tree, which then morphed in to Tre. You get the idea.
My nickname has rather anticlimactic origin. Our entire hallway freshman year at college were all going to dinner. We all met up outside our respective rooms, when my friend Damon comes up to me and says w/ a high five "What up Sammy G?" I was a bit confused because my middle name starts with a J, and some old friends growing up would call me Sammy J. SO I says: Sammy G??? What's the G for? Damon says: You know GANGSTA!!!
Oooookay, hmmmm, I'm no G-Locster, Thug or Crip or Blood, (Not yet anyways) so it was a little out of place. But it stuck!!!! And morphed.
Some variations:
Sammy Gee
Sammy Gee (with a hard g, like geek w/out the k)
Sammy Geeeee..k
Gee, or Gee (hard g)
(In fact all Gee variations can be said w/ hard or soft g's)
(My last name has "rock" at the end so...)
Gee-Rockah Chief Boot Knockah

As well my first name is Samuel so I also got these:
Samuel L Jackson
The list goes on and on. I love my nickname, and people that know me almost always use my nickname. Funny story: At my one arrest (charges dropped) when I was booked they asked me if I had any aliases, and kind of as a personal joke I told them L-Bone. Now I have a legit alias.

Monday, July 10, 2006

First Date Blunders, aka A Booby In Hand Is Worth More Than Two In The...


What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.
~Albert Pine

The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.
~Flannery O'Connor


1. Billy ~James Blunt
2. Move Along ~All American Rejects
3. Fall At Your Feet ~James Blunt
4. Never Gonna Be The Same ~Sean Paul
5. Where Is My Mind ~James Blunt

I have been on a bunch of first dates in my life, some great, most so-so. There are a lot of determining factors to what makes a great first date possible at the outset. Mutual attraction, setting, alcohol consumed, etc.. So usually some where you can talk and get to know someone a little bit deeper is a good choice, but sometimes a wild crazy bar is a good choice too. I've never really been fixed up by anyone, let alone a family member, and usually don't go on absolutely blind dates. But what the hell I gave it a shot anyway. I met my date in Baltimore at a bar called HOWL AT THE MOON. A really fun, loud, crazy place, with dueling pianos, lots of bachlorette parties, birthdays, and a bunch of rowdies. Not the best, for this particular date. Conversation was a little difficult, but still I was charming and witty when I could be. After a few drinks, I suggest we get out there, I thought maybe to talk somewhere, walk around, whatever. Date goes to the bathroom before we head out. As soon as she leaves one of the middle aged women (aka a Cougar) at the table behind me pulls up a chair and tries to talk to me. I was reading a text message my buddy had sent earlier, and not really paying attention. I another one of the Cougars yell something about her boobies needing to be touched, but paid no mind. Next thing I know my hand/arm is being twisted behind me and shoved on to a booby. I'm not even sure what this lady looked like as my back was to her. So admittedly I gave a few squeezes, it's a boob what else are you supposed to do? But just as my hand is on said booby who walks back to the table but my date!!! OOOOOOPS!!!!

I tried to explain what happened, that I was the victim of sexual assault, not sure she believed me. But as BK del Palisades said, even if the date didn't go great I got strange boobies in my hand and a funny story! And who can't appreciate that?

Friday, July 07, 2006

The Comedic Straight Man


My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
~Albert Einstein

We can recognize the dawn and the decline of love by the uneasiness we feel when alone
~Jean De La BruyFre


Charlie: They said you was hung.
Bart: And they was right.

Taggart: I got it. I got it.
Hedley Lamarr: You do?
Taggart: We'll work up a "Number 6" on 'em.
Hedley Lamarr: "Number 6"? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one...
Taggart: Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a whampin' and whompin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.
Hedley Lamarr: You spare the women?
Taggart: NAW. We rape the shit out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on.
Hedley Lamarr: Marvelous.

1. Ride Wit Me ~TI
2. You Dropped The Bomb On Me ~The Gap Band
3. Is It Any Wonder ~Keane
4. Goodbye For Now ~POD
5. Sinner Man ~Peter Tosh
6. Ball And Chain ~Sublime


I've been wanting to write this post for a while.
Alot of poeple regard Dean Martin as the best straight man in comedy. He definetly gets kudos for putting up with the jack-assery of Jerry Lewis. But for my money I go with Ted Knight. Playing the straight man is not easy, and might be harder then being the comedic fool. In live performances, you can't laugh at the jack-ass on stage next to you, you are usually the butt of the joke, you never get any recognition cuz the other guy is the funny one, timing usually hinges on you, and you have to hold back on your own jokes!

Ted Knight in his role as Judge Elihu Smails in Caddyshack to me is the ultimate in straight man play. In all seriousness through out the entire movies he delivers lines and sets up the other actors like this:
Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.

Judge Smails: It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat.


Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today?
Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score.
Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty Webb: By height.
Ted Knight played the straight man in virtually every other role he took on. And he di ti wonderfully. So My hat's off to you Ted Knight, Rest In Peace.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

3 Things

There are people whom one loves immediately and forever. Even to know they are alive in the world with one is quite enough.
~Nancy Spain

New knowledge is the most valuable commodity on earth. The more truth we have to work with, the richer we become.
~Kurt Vonnegut

No Zanipolo story today, he and I are both tired.

3 Things (Sometimes 4)

1. Generous
2. Witty
3. Funny
1. Someone falling/getting hit by something
2. Mel Brooks Movies
3. Me Doing Something Stupid or Clumsy
1. Coffee
2. JMU Colored Plastic Easter Eggs
3. A Cool Geod Type Rock
1. Love Itself
2. Cary Grant Movies
3. Making Out
1. Intolerance
2. Anal Retentiveness
3. Liver
1. Japanese
2. Women (most of the time)
3. Calculus
1. Spain
2. Australia
3. Italy
1. Talladega w/ JD
2. First Night w/BSD
3. Nights with the Shabbat Tennis Club
at Sleepaway Camp
4. Bunky
1. Write a Novel
2. Skydive
3. Find True Love
1. My Birthday October 7
2. Opening Day for the NFL
3. Everyday I Wake Up
1. Showered
2. Created a CBD Notice
3. Emailed
1. Cinnamon Rolls
2. A Woman's Hair
3. Steak on the Grill
2. Crab
3. Cheese Danish
1. iPod Nano
2. My Car
3. My Sanity
1. A GF
2. An NFL Team
3. A Winning Mega-Millions Lottery Ticket
4. A Dog

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Zanipolo saves Fahfromheri Pt.5

(Proverbs Edition)

Fall seven times, stand up eight.
~Japanese Proverb

Rejoice not at thine enemy's fall - but don't rush to pick him up either.
~Jewish Proverb

What the Water Brings
How Zanipolo Saved Fahfromheri

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Zani was scared, but also curious, what in the world could be causing this??!? How big was this monster!!? Joe opened one of the hankerchiefs to reveal hundreds of tiny mushrooms. He took a handful and tossed them into the middle of the lagoon. As soon as the first fungus hit the water the shaking stopped. And just as quickly the entire lagoon was jumping, little fish like creatures were jumping out of the water, some as much as 6 feet high!
"Dems eez da Loco-Salto-Pexo," said Joe, "We's calling dem da Lesps dough."
"Do they bite? Are they dangerous?" inquired Zani.
"Firsts we feeding dem, den I teaching yous," said Joe.
Zani needed no other cue and did as Joe did picking up one of the other hankerchiefs full of mush rooms and flung them into the water. When all the mushrooms were gone, the lagoon became very still, occasionally a Lesp would jump and flip in the air but that quickly subsided. Joe sat Zani down, and began to explain all about the Lesps. This was the only place in the world these creatures were found. Caught somewhere in between a evolutionary stage these fish like creatures also had tiny arms and legs they could use to crawl around on, but also very powerful tails that propelled them fast enough to make those extraordinary leaps out of the water. Joe went on to explain that the Fahfromherians had been feeding them for centuries, and fed them to appease them, for they were voracious eaters. And it seemed that mushrooms were their favorite food. The lagoon they resided in was fed by all the water falls from mountain springs, which in turn was the Fahfromherians freshwater source. In one corner of the lagoon was an underwater gate that allowed for the flow of freshwater into the canals and aqueducts that supplied the village people with freshwater. A long time ago an agreement was reached that the Fahfromherians would feed the Lesps mushrooms every morning, and in return the Fahfromherians could open the water gate every morning for fresh water, without fear of the Lesps following the route into the village and devouring everything in sight. This agreement had been honored for the last 300 years. So Zani's new job was a very very important one. Joe brought Zani over to the gate and showed him how to change the filter, and how to open the gate. But Zani knew there had to be more than this to the job...

Monday, July 03, 2006

I Made It To Gilligan's Pier With Out Falling In!!!!


Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What's a sun-dial in the shade?
~Benjamin Franklin

Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom.
~Thomas Jefferson

It's wonderful what we can do if we're always doing.
~George Washington

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
~John Adams

(1~18" & 1 ~24" YESTERDAY)

(Mostly 80's Edition)
1. Is It Any Wonder ~Keane
2. Move Along ~All American Rejects
3. Take Me On ~Ah Ha
4. You Dropped the Bomb on Me ~The Gap Band
5. China Girl ~David Bowie
6. Dancing in the Dark ~The Boss
7. Hungry Like the Wolf ~Duran Duran

Went out to eat atop the Key Bridge Marriott. The restaurant will be closed after the 4th of July forever, so we took advantage of one of DC's best views. The food was okay, the service pretty good, but you can't beat the food or the company!
Went to check on JD's boat, which sustained minor damage during the recent storms. It actually ran better than ever after getting a new propeller! There was no chance of me falling in at Gilligan's Pier this time because we only took the boat out for a test spin and drove over to the Pier. Our main motivation for going back to Gilligan's was THE WORX. A band that plays around Harrisonburg, VA and was part of JD and my college experience. I had never actually seen them at school, so that was more reason to go. The Beach was bumpin' and country strong girls abounded.
What started off as a lazy Sunday turned in to a great fishin', swimmin' and boatin' trip. JD and I caught more on this one trip than ever. Albeit a bunch of tiny perch, JD struck some luck landing an 18" catfish, then 10 minutes later a 24" 10lb catfish.

Have a great 4th everyone!

What it's all about!!!!
(see below)